


Medicine

by knifefairy



Series: davejade by astra [5]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anorexia, F/M, Overdose, Post SBURB, Suicide Attempts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-16
Updated: 2014-05-21
Packaged: 2018-01-25 00:18:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1622198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knifefairy/pseuds/knifefairy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It wasn't her fault, that's what they told me over and over again. Using words like overdose, triggered by something, that she just needed her doses and took too much. ALLACCIDENTAL.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

zoloft.

latuda.

anti-depressants.

a multitude of pills, arranged in clusters.

that was my life, and it will be again if i wake up.

i don't want to wake up. 

Eight sixteen year olds, and a few aliens won a game and became gods.

Everyone suffered but no one like the Witch.

PSTD, Bipolar disorders (grimbarkness changed it all), depression, nightmares.

A pillbox filled to the brim.

One day she decided to empty those boxes and fill herself. 

The knight arrived soon enough to save her from death, but not a long sleep.

 

Four months, Thirteen days, two hours, three minutes and eleven seconds have passed since I got that call from the hospital. Four goddamn months, fourteen days, and four hours have passed since the doctors figured out she was in a coma caused by overdose, of all things to Jade into a coma it was that. Now there she was, in a sleep like death, she lay in the hospital bed. Her hair was growing out too long, her skin was almost transparent but her glasses rested on the nightstand like any minute she would wake up and put them on. People besides me visited but I were there everyday after school, talking to Jade about school or life or TV shows or books or anything. They told me talking to her could help her wake up but it clearly wasn't working. I  would talk a million hours or never talk again if it meant Jade would wake up.  


	2. The Flowers

'"The flowers you gave me are rotting  
And still I refuse to throw them away  
Some of the bulbs never opened quite fully  
They might so I'm waiting and staying awake  
  
Things I have loved I'm allowed to keep  
I'll never know if I go to sleep"

- _The Flowers_ by Regina Spektor

Everyday was the same. Wake up from the usual nightmares, get ready and rush to school (no breakfast), pay attention during classes and take notes (Jade would have wanted it that way), Spend time with the other players at lunch (but not really eat anything), continue working hard in school, head over to the hospital straight after school where I tell Jade about my day and do my homework with her, Stay until visiting hours are over, head home, shower and go to bed. Everyday the hope I had of her waking up slowly diminished, but at the same time I was diminishing too. 

dave usually came everyday, that much i could tell in this state. i heard his voice but couldnt understand him, everything was clouded and hazy. about six months after he wasn't there, no one came that day. but there was no need to worry, things were too busy.

I guess no one noticed, I didn't even notice. During the fifth month, it got bad. My hair started falling out, I was cold all of the time, my ribs stuck out more than ever, and I didn't feel the strength I've had since I was kid anymore. Exactly six months after Jade slipped into her coma, things got too bad. No one would be visiting Jade anymore, I'm sure of that.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter I know but theres gonna be a long next chapter plus more from comatose jade


	3. i miss you

"You've got a warm heart,  
you've got a beautiful brain.  
But it's disintegrating,  
from all the medicine.  
from all the medicine.  
from all the medicine.  
Medicine.  
  
You could still be,  
what you want to be,  
What you said you were,  
when you met me."

- _Medicine_ by Daughter

dave didnt visit anymore, no one did. no one came into my room except the occasional doctor to check on me. things felt hazier and worse than before. soon enough i would never wake up.

For three months I was gone, sent away from Jade like that would help. I talked to John and Rose once a week, they weren't visiting Jade. Like I thought, no one was. Jade, nine months in a hospital bed without even a moved limb or fluttery eye. In three months they were disconnecting her, and maybe that would be good.

dave visited today. if i was awake i would have yelled at him for not coming at all for three months. but i wasnt, so i did what a could and for a few brief minutes i was semi-conscious and able to move my hand closer to him. maybe this would mean something to him.

 Jade moved earlier, she actually fucking moved. After I rushed to get the doctor who checked on her usually. She moved again. They made me leave after. I didn't go back.


	4. Hello My Old Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I edited the last two chapters- Dave wasn't allowed to visit for three months (Not banned by the hospital but by his friends and family) and when he did jade didn't recognize him he just went along with it.

"Hello, my old heart   
How have you been?   
Are you still there inside my chest?   
I've been so worried   
You've been so still   
Barely beating at all   
  
oh, don't leave me here alone   
don't tell me that we've grown for having loved a little while   
oh, i don't want to be alone   
i want to find a home and i want to share it with you"  
- _Hello My Old Heart_ by The Oh Hello's

i woke up yesterday in a different room. i can see outside from this room, its winter now but i fell asleep in the spring. dave isnt here, i thought he would be with me when i woke up. john and jake were here this morning, rose left a little while ago but no dave. i asked the nurse but she said he stopped visiting three months ago. rose wouldnt tell me where he was either. im so worried. why hasnt he come. i can remember him promising hed be here when i woke up. he must have lied. as i sat up and put my glasses on for the first time, i saw his shades next to where my glasses were. a too skinny boy with pale hair and skin almost as pale as mine wearing dark jeans, black boots and a black hoodie stood in the hallway, his eyes were closed and his cheekbones too sharp. he didnt look like anyone i remembered, but he was next to my room. i bet he was just lost or waiting for someone. 

I could see her from my spot in the hall, she didn't recognize me anymore that was for sure. She held my shades in her hand, looking wretched and godly. She thought I abandoned her and in way, I had. Now I was a shell and no longer sarcastic, ironic, and caring Dave; I was just a lonely and depressed boy who was wasting away. After that I turned to leave again but changed my mind. My voice sounded different these days anyway, "You're Jade aren't you? the nurses told me to check on you". She looked up at me, still without a clue about who I am. She shivered and spoke in a quiet voice like her throat was sore "That's me". A red hoodie rested next to her frail body, as she slipped on the hoodie I saw. It was my hero of Time sweatshirt, the one I left before she woke up along with my shades. I wore a pair of colored contacts today, a normal light blue that went with my hair and skin. I looked surprisingly normal, like someone named Dave Smith or some other lameass name.

i sat in my hospital bed with the hoodie pulled up past my nose, it still smelled like Dave; an odd mix of metal and apples but a familiar and comforting smell. i still had no idea who this boy was and i doubt he was 'sent by the nurses to check on me'. he had that air of douche that dave used to have before you become close with him. oh dave, you liar. "well, you've checked on me what now?" i tried to sound nonchalant but it came out more aggressive. he just laughed and proceeded to say a long explanination about finishing his duties and going around to visit the patients and give them a little company, he didnt wear an id because he liked to remain a random visitor on the surface. after he and i talked for a long time and once the douche wore off he was actually really nice and funny. eventually he left once i got too tired but promised to be back tomorrow around the same time. a new friend would be nice.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> People can change a lot in a year, I moved a while ago and when I went back to visit the next year I didn't even recognize some of my friends. Also eating disorders/ anorexia cause you look very different than you did before. Plus without the tell tale red eyes and a different sounding voice and demeanor? would you be able to tell


	5. a morning i woke up

"post-apocalyptic dreams taste the way you would   
and all the trees and teenagers would try you if they could

even when I'm fucking up you say i'm still your angel   
and all the snarls in my hair are just to make my halo   
we started out so beautiful and now we're just all mangled   
wearing through this skin we're in our sheets they just stayed tangled

i was just 16 yrs old when i first lost my mind   
in a summer metro ride to the faceless ghosts inside   
  
the times i said i'd care for you and the promises i made you   
got me bored and sick again   
so i went and i betrayed you   
I'm the rust that your blood will soon change to   
to get inside and poison you   
and love and rearrange you"

- _a morning i woke up_ by Infinity Crush

they kept me in the hospital, things werent going well. bad stuff had happened to the nerves in my legs, my lungs werent functioning properly, and brain damage was possible. the doctors werent sure yet. i had only woken up three days ago and spent most of that time sleeping. except when i got visits, rose came again and avoided talking about dave. after the doctors told me i was supposed to stay for a few more days i waited. the boy from yesterday came around this time. outside rain battered against the windows and i shivered in my hoodie. winter had come early this year, rose told me thanksgiving only happened a week ago and my birthday hadnt come yet. it was cold enough to be december, especially a girl who had been kept alive by tubes for months like me. i made an effort to try sitting up, still sleepy. funny to be so tired after sleeping so long. rose had dubbed those months my "Post-Quest slumber" and didnt bring up the cause of it. she spent a while here. talking, reading, knitting. it was nice.  soon enough the pretty and tall boy from yesterday was out in the hall. another friend to visit, he and rose kept narrowly missing each other like a tag team. i was tired enough fall asleep before he came in.

Jade seemed slightly different than yesterday. Rose told me about all the issues, there were more than Jade knew about. She took so many pills, it was only the godhood that kept here from dying. No one wanted to tell her that though, the doctors just called it a 'miracle of modern medicine'. Modern medicine my ass. That was god magic back there. I stood out in the hallway. Dark jeans, black boots and a dark red hoodie, almost blood colored, slightly different than yesterdays outfit but still not like my usual style. I walked into her room and sat in the comfy chair near her bed. She looked different in this sleep, soft and warm not like the coma where she seemed cold and gone. I wanted to curl up beside her or brush the hair out of her face. But I didn't have that privilege anymore, I wasn't someone she knew anymore. 


	6. It Gets Better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woah two chapters in one day? sorry if the characters are a little ooc

"It gets better, it gets better

It gets better, we'll get better

It gets better, it gets better.  
It gets better, we'll get better

I can taste your summer sweat  
It's never been so warm  
So can we kick the covers off?  
They're always on  
It's never been so warm

It's hard to keep a straight face when I just want to smile  
If you could see the look that's in your eyes

Like starlight crashing through the room, we'll lose our feathers  
Yes, I know it hurts at first but it gets better"  
- _It Gets Better_ by Fun.

 

the boy came everyday. he shared music with me and told me about school and we watched movies. the doctors were worried about the condition of my lungs, they were getting pretty sucky at their job. apparently being a god didnt mean youd always be healthy. my stay at the hospital kept getting extended and at this rate i would still be here for my birthday. karkat visited this morning, talked about how shitty dave was acting and talked about the stuff friends like he i and usually did. karkat had to be one of my best friends, something thirteen year old me would never admit. back to the boy. he wouldnt tell me his name so i stopped asking, sometimes he was early and often he was late. the few more days turned into weeks. they talked to me about surgeries and medical help, my lungs got worse by the day. i wondered why i even tried to kill myself, i knew it wouldnt work in the first place.  to be specific about my lungs, i had cancer (keep in mind that this was the first time ive ever actually been to a hospital) and i guess all that radiation caught up with me. the doctors were afraid of the worsening condition and were trying to come up with treatment. ive been in this hospital for almost ten months now. i got more visitors and my room was pretty homey. but i still want to go home, sleep in my real bed and yell at dave. i would get out in january at the latest, apparently my cancer was more severe than anyone the doctors ever knew about. thirteen years of being raised by and being part radioactive dog caused that. i told the boy about it, he didnt seem suprised and talked about his sister who got cancer, she recovered.

 

Rose told me right away. She was crying, Rose doesn't cry very much. I knew Jade couldn't die but this could be a fate worse than death. I made up a story, translating Rose's grimdarkness into cancer. In a way it was. I spent days pretending to be the boy Jade knew. It had been going on too long. "Hey, um Jade?" I picked up the shades from the table next to her, popped out my contacts, slipped on the shades and messed up my hair. I looked like myself again. "It's me, Dave" the look on her face ruined me and I could see she was about to erupt. Fight or flight. I stood my ground.

 

I THINK ALL I FELT THEN WAS RAGE. HE HAD LIED TO ME EVEN MORE. WITH A STUPID DISGUISE AND DIFFERENT ATTITUDE I HAD BEEN FOOLED BY HIM. I DONT CARE IF IM NOT SUPPOSED TO GET OUT OF MY BED YET I AM GOING TO HURT HIM. I CANT BELIEVE HIM I CANT BELIEVE THIS. SOMEONE NEEDS TO STOP ME I AM OUT OF MY BED AND GETTING CLOSER I WILL BREAK THAT PRETTY LITTLE FACE OF HIS ANY MOMENT.

 

Twenty minutes later I'm getting stitches and my nose is broken. Luckily I was already in the hospital. After Jade broke most of my goddamn face, her legs gave out and I called the nurse. After that I went to the emergency room to get the stitches I needed and have them check my nose. The worst part wasn't getting my ass kicked, it was the things she said to me. I saw her when I left, bloodied knuckles and tear stained cheeks. I fucked up royally.  


	7. The Lightning Strike

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the final chapter and organized into three parts.

_[I - What If This Storm Ends?]_  
  
"What if this storm ends? And I don't see you as you are now ever again. The perfect halo of gold hair and lightning sets you off against the planet's last dance. Just for a minute the silver forked sky lit you up like a star that I will follow. Now it's found us like I have found you I don't want to run, just overwhelm me. What if this storm ends? and leaves us nothing except a memory a distant echo. I want pinned down,I want unsettled. Rattle cage after cage until my blood boils. I want to see you as you are now every single day that I am living. Painted in flames, all peeling thunder, be the lightning in me that strikes relentlessly" - _The Lightning Strike_ by Snow Patrol

according to the doctors, my lungs were getting better. it was a 'miracle' like me living. frankly i was getting sick of these 'miracles'. at least now it i would get out before christmas. it was december 3rd today, dave and dirk's birthday. tomorrow would be rose and roxy's birthday and they were going to visit. jane, kanaya, and aradia were coming too, it was going to be a just girls part for both the birthdays and my recovery. things were going pretty well and dave hadnt shown up since i broke his nose. oh dave you little asshole. 

I didn't go back. I was recovering now (from the anorexia and broken nose, but i had started recovering from the first almost four months ago)  too but I knew if I did I'd worse than a broken nose and cruel words. I didn't ask Rose or Karkat about her and they sure as hell didn't tell me. I missed Jade. I just wanted to hold her and hear her. I wish she would forgive me and come home.

* * *

 

  _[II - The Sunlight Through The Flags]_  
  
"From here the caravans are kids toys and I can hold them all in my palm. I watch the sea creep round the corner, it connects the dots from here to you. The sunlight burning through the loose flags painted high on white church walls. I chase my blood from brain to thumped heart until I'm out of breath for trying. Worry not everything is sound, this is the safest place you've found. The only noise beating out is ours. Lacing our tea from honey jars, these accidents of faith and nature. They tend to stick in the spokes of you, but every now and then the trend bucks and you're repaired by more than glue. Worry not everything is sound, this is the safest place you've found. The only noise beating out is ours, lacing our tea from honey jars. Why don't you rest your fragile bones. A minute ago you looked alone. Stop waving your arms you're safe and dry, breathe in and drink up the winter sky" - _The Lightning Strike_ by Snow Patrol

it was december 15th and i was getting out today. my lungs werent in perfect shape and i had a little trouble breathing, i would need to go through therapy but for now i needed crutches. john was helping me home today. still no dave, not since i broke his nose. i hate to say it but i miss him, i cant forgive him just yet. rain poured down as i went inside my cozy apartment. i flopped down onto my bed, my cozy, comfy, warm bed.  curled up in my bed with rain pouring down i considered forgiving dave. later tonight i resolved to call him. i needed to forgive him.

The rain poured down and I was reminded of another rainy day rushing over to Jade's apartment. This time would have good results. I found her in her bed but not asleep, crutches leaning against the wall. She sat up when she saw me and apologies were exchanged. We talked like those days in the hospital. All was right again and I guess we were together again, just like ten months ago but different in ways I couldn't explain. Different in some good ways.

* * *

 

  
_[III - Daybreak]_

"Slowly the day breaks apart in our hands and soft hallelujahs flow in from the church, the one on the corner you said frightened you.  
It was too dark and too large to find your soul in. Something was bound to go right sometime today, all these broken pieces fit together to make a perfect picture of us. It got cold and then dark so suddenly and rained, it rained so hard the two of us were the only thing that we could see for miles and miles. And in the middle of the flood I felt my worth when you held onto me like I was your little life raft. Please know that you were mine as well. Drops of water hit the ground like God's own tears and spread out into shapes like salad bowls and basins and buckets for bailing out the flood. As motionless cars rust on driveways and curbs. You take off your raincoat and stretch out your arms, We both laugh out loud and surrender to it. The sheer force of sky and the cold magnet Earth" - _The Lightning Strike_ by Snow Patrol

 

afterwards, dressed in rain clothes we go into the empty streets and walk. dave helps me walk, i found a cane that i can use to walk. its nice and the rain feels good on my skin. daves hand feels nice holding mine. things are good and i am happy again. my life can be like this again. 

Things were great between Jade and I now. We were together again and both happy. Things may have been bad this past year but now they were finally looking up. We walked laughing and happy in the rain. Happy endings could be very nice.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was slightly rushed since i have more fics planned


End file.
